Unmerited Grace

The following topic is one that I have avoided writing about for quite some time.  That is because it is a very personal story, and many of those close to me would have difficulty believing it.  However the call of the Holy Spirit must trump all of my desires.  This is my story.  A story of a near fatal accident, a pain killer addiction, and redemption.

I grew up in a Christian home, went to church and was very active in many things so I had a decent grasp on the faith.  However there are situations in our lives that seem insurmountable, and cause us to call into question things we hold dear.  Looking back it is strange because what happened should have strengthened my faith, and it hindsight it has though at the time it seemed to not be the case.

In February 2013 I was involved in a rollover accident.  I was driving to work, hit a patch of black ice, and rolled several times.  I remember waking up with my truck on its side, my foot flooring the gas pedal, and the fresh McDonald’s coffee all over me.  I was obviously a bit flustered, and this was caused to the initial impact being firmly on top of my head.  I was able to climb out under my own power thanks to a nurse that was traveling behind me.

The next couple months are a blur as I was having horrible migraines, and memory issues.  All typical things when sustaining a huge concussion, but I was also having neck pain that was persistent.  The constant pain, migraines, and memory issues threw me into a deep depression.  I was given multiple prescription for anti-depressants, pain killers, and muscle relaxers.  I was supposed to take two of each per day, but that led to four per day, which would lead to six per day.  At my worst I was taking up to 53 pills per day just to function.  I was hooked and it seemed like things were just getting worse.  I had a horrible temper, treated people horribly, and felt like I had nowhere to turn.   Things got so bad that I wanted to end my life, and all this happened with a great wife, two kids, and two more on the way.

There was a cliff on the way to work that I had planned to drive off of.  I could not do it and tried to go to work like nothing unusual had happened.  I cried all day.  Not just a whimper, but a full blown cry.  Later that night, when everyone was in bed, I cried more.  A Bible verse from my past came to mind.  It was 2 Corinthians 12:9 which states, “And he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.’ Most, gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me[1].”  This message was given to the Apostle Paul who asked three times for his infirmity to be taken away.  The KJV Biblical Commentary states, “The trial will remain but will be accompanied by the enduring grace of God[2].”

I knelt on in the middle of my living room that night, and with all the strength I could muster I asked for this grace.  I asked for help to endure the migraines, the neck and nerve issues, and PTSD that remain long after the accident.  I no longer wanted to be the addict that I had become.  I have not touched a pain pill since that night, and it is because of the unmerited grace of Christ.  I understand that an instantaneous event such as I had is very rare, and I do not know why it happened to me.  However I do know that the grace I experienced is available to anyone, and it doesn’t cost a dime.  It will cost us our lives because you will be choosing to hand your life over to Christ.  I have been on both sides, and the side of Christ is the one to be on.

It was time to tell this story, and I apologize or keeping it in for so long.  It is my hope and prayer that it will help someone who is going through a similar situation.  God bless you my friends.

[1] 2 Corinthians 12:9 (New American Standard Bible).

[2] King James Version Bible Commentary (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc, 2005), 1527.